Victoria Asikis shares how running for fitness became a journey of self-discovery.
I started running in university. I was not an athlete in high school (far from it!) and never ran for the team at the University of Toronto. At the time, running seemed like a good way to get in shape while focusing on something outside of American film history and queer literature.
I remember my first official “run” fondly. It was an unseasonably warm evening near the end of the school term. I was on McNicoll Avenue in North York, a few blocks away from home, and said to myself “I’m going to run from this driveway to that driveway.” Determined to make it, I put one foot in front of the other and completed the then ambitious feat. A mere 300 metre run later, with my silver iPod Mini in hand, I was completely hooked.
Fast forward 15 years and I have proudly completed race distances ranging from the 5K to the marathon. I have run through the grounds of Oxford University; through Athens and around the track of Olympic Stadium; down the coast of Uruguay and the streets of Buenos Aires; on the long and straight roads of Red Rock Canyon and down the Las Vegas Strip; winding through Beverly Hills, Hollywood Boulevard, to the end of the Santa Monica Pier; up and down the narrow cobblestones of Rome; along the coast of the Isle of Man and through the parks of London; among the bedlam of New York and Chicago during rush hour; between the memorials of Washington, DC; behind the hundreds of yachts in Cannes; and around and around and around the track of a cruise ship.
Despite the adventures, what remains most important is the evolution of the reasons why I run; what people do not see from the (mostly) happy photos I post on Strava. This ambitious hobby may have started as a fitness journey, but what it has evolved into is a journey of self-discovery, positive coping mechanisms, and a search for euphoria.
It should come as no surprise that being a lawyer comes with a significant amount of stress. I have had my share of sleepless nights, mulling over a file I do not understand, or an opinion I sent but was unsure of, or something I said that may have come across the wrong way. When, on multiple occasions, my own career started taking unexpected turns, I found myself unsure of where to go or what to do, or who I even wanted to be anymore. As I walk the journey of my 30’s, I often think about my identity and my place in this world as a woman, as a lawyer, and as a person with more ambitious goals than I can count.
“Amid the chaos, find your constant.”
For me, that constant is lacing up my shoes, leaving my phone and the rest of my world behind, and going for a run.
Because when I go for a run, I can work through that difficult file and talk aloud to myself on how we are going to tackle the task ahead.
Because when I go for a run, I can think more clearly about that opinion I sent and realize that it was, in fact, perfectly acceptable.
Because when I go for a run, I can feel completely in place in a world where I might sometimes feel out of place.
Because when I go for a run, I can cry, I can scream, and I can laugh. I can feel every single emotion imaginable, sometimes all at once.
Because when I go for a run, I can throw my hands in the air, raise my sweat-streamed face to the rising sun as I blaze down the road, and find that clarity, that euphoria, that realization that everything is going to be fine. More than fine. It is going to be great.
And if the run does not work, well… I can always get another tattoo!
