ADHD in Women: Undiagnosed and Exhausted

Melissa Henderson, Newcastle

This time last year waking up to the world being too loud, lights being too bright, and the thought of answering emails sending me into a state of complete overwhelm was normal. High anxiety, constant fatigue, and the inability to concentrate due to that one almost non-existent noise, or the irritating sensation a tag in my clothing caused me, was part of my every day experience. I faced a constant uphill battle to find the energy or drive to pursue even hobbies and activities which I know I love, but I just couldn’t bring myself to move, to just do it.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), is a disorder which affects a person’s behaviour by way of differences in impulsivity, hyperactivity, and attentiveness. The default image of ADHD for many people is of a naughty school boy who can’t sit still in class, and whilst that school boy is certainly a character who may have ADHD, he certainly is not the whole story.

The number of women seeking a diagnosis is substantially increasing as awareness grows as to how ADHD affects us. We’ve been called the ‘hidden epidemic’ or ‘lost generation’, and we are quite simply a generation of women who have suffered with ongoing self-doubt and repeated the same question to ourselves for our entire lives. “Why am I always struggling with what others find easy?”

Women with ADHD can have traits which cause them to struggle with time management, emotional dysregulation, hypersensitivity to rejection, overspending and impulsivity, and it’s only the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately to many, this comes across as a woman who simply can’t keep up with her responsibilities, which in turn causes issues in friendships, relationships, and her career. As you can imagine, this can become a vicious cycle.

Studies have shown that girls in primary school are nine times less likely than boys to be diagnosed. So why is this the case? Traditionally, studies have also shown that ADHD is more prevalent in boys than girls, and this led the forefront of the conversation for many years. However, recent research suggests that many women have simply been misdiagnosed due to not presenting the typical symptoms found in male-only studies. Until 2002, there was not even a long-term study dedicated to ADHD specifically in women.

So why wasn’t at least something noticed in young girls? Sadly, many girls will create a ‘mask’ throughout their entire childhood, carrying that on into adulthood, in order to hide their symptoms and cope. Any traits that creep through this wall are often missed due to society’s gender norms of the “quirky daydreamer” or the “typical over-sensitive woman”. Throughout school and college, I vividly remember the effort made during class to ensure I remained focused; to keep my pen out of reach so I couldn’t fidget; to make a long to-do list full of tasks and important dates I would otherwise forget. I remember getting home and breaking down in tears when I attempted to complete homework or study, because my brain was simply exhausted from holding my mask up. Keeping up the façade was extremely draining, leading to burnout and fatigue. Burnout in women with ADHD is a continuous state of existence, and a constant fight to ensure you keep up with the various responsibilities in life that most people find come naturally.

Fortunately, more and more women are beginning to understand that the level to which they struggle with these issues isn’t normal, and it’s not their fault. Seeking a diagnosis for ADHD not only provides a sense of relief and understanding, but allows women to take that next step to managing their symptoms with their new sense of clarity.

For me, receiving my diagnosis allowed me to take a step back and fully re-evaluate how I dealt with my struggles. The approach taken by most people never worked for me, and that’s because it didn’t marry up to the reason behind my struggle. Since changing the way I responded to these challenges, life is becoming easier and easier to navigate, and I can allow all of the things I’m good at to shine again. ADHD’ers are known to be extremely creative people, with great problem solving abilities, and a passion for their work and hobbies. Seeking out and receiving my diagnosis has allowed me to accept my setbacks and work with my brain, rather than against it.

However, the fight for recognition is still not over. Women need to continue advocating for understanding of their ADHD, and awareness needs to grow in order to allow our ‘lost generation’ to manoeuvre around their challenges and reach their full potential.